Squirrel Slayer

I'm a pretty normal person. When I see an animal in the road, I attempt to avoid it. I will brake, I will try to go around it, in general try to avoid hitting it without endangering my own life. Usually, the animal agreeably joins me on this quest to extend its life.

Until this morning. This morning, driving myself back from the hotel, I happen upon a squirrel absent-mindedly sniffing at something in the middle of my lane. I began to break, and he did not move, although he did look directly at me. So I began to move into the other lane. He seems to think this a LOVELY idea, and jaunts on over as well. I brake harder, moving back into my lane, still a good twenty feet or so from the squirrel. He, of course, dances happily back to his previous spot. I am now braking as hard as I can, thinking "Please, don't let me kill this squirrel."

I am now at a complete stop. Either I am directly atop the suicidal rodent, or he is staring at the undercarriage of my van. I watch in my side mirrors for his quick escape, and see nothing. I press on the gas, watching in my rear-view mirror for his body. There it is, lifeless in the road. Wait, no. He moves! He... twitches? His upper-body lays against the pavement while his lower-body dances across the road. I watched him move two feet or so, dragging his head, before I moved on, unwilling to see more, but knowing that in a few minutes I would be sharing his demise with you.